Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
