I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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