OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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