please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
