I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
