Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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