Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please come you make the beer taste better
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
