You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
