Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
