Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
farters have to be the big spoon...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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