im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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