Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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