I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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