3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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