I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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