I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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