What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he thought i was a dude.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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