I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
jump out the window naked night went bad
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