Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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