I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
