I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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