woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
