Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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