I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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