I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
