I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
