theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
