Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just googled if crying burns calories
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize