some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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