i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
