i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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