:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
