Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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