it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
