I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize