When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
