i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
and you fell through a lawn chair
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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