All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
