we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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