I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
