We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
