I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober