You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
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so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point