I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell