for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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