so that wasnt chicken after all
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party