Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it