well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
