i permit you to call me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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