You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...