O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics