"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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