hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize