We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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