I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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