He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
