I think i sorta joined a cult last night
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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