so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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