Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
