kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
