at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
