Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
