You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize