We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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