did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
