I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
