On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
