I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
