this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
