Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
