2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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