It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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