Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
