i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How does one acquire holy water?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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