The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
