i love accidental penises.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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