just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
