he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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