Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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