I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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